Four knitted scarves

[grimmdark]

916 Bilko Boulevard, Accidental Phonecall. Unfiltered. Open to housemates

*the phone picks up mid-conversation, as if it's been knocked off the hook by clumsy teenagers Rose's voice comes from not too far.*

I still cannot believe we are doing this. Enjoyable as it might be, I must admit I still have some reservations about it.

Rose, I assure you your reservations are wholly misplaced. I have done this many, many times before, and it has ...almost always resulted in the full enjoyment of all involved parties.

*Rose scoffs a little, but wait, was that a hint of a giggle underneat?* I will give that much to you; you are quite skilled with your hands. I stand here jealous at this discovery...this is really nice though.

*There's the sound of shifting, and Kanaya almost sounds as though she has something in her mouth when she speaks next.* Sweeps of practice have rendered my digital manipulators quite dextrous, yes - and I'm quite pleased to hear that you're finding this to your liking. But as promised, no word of this liason shall ever pass my lips.

If I may ask you to hold as still as possible, Rose? This next part will be rather tight.

While I graciously accepted your request to lend myself to your ways, I must admit I haven't grown to like the fact you are handling me like a rag do-

*Rose's complain is cut as she gasps, and then speaks in a rather mortified tone*

That is...rather tight. My back will be reminding me of this with unforgiving soreness later

*And for her part, Kanaya does sound very apologetic.* I'm quite sorry, but I believe it's for the best to handle the worst of the discomfort at the beginning. I give the full weight of my word that it will be exponentially more agreeable - even satisfying - from this point on.

But please continue to hold still. I would feel very displeased with myself were I to inadvertently scratch you.

So you say. Perhaps it's because you are doing all the work. I feel as if I should probably take the matter into my own hands, but then that would mean you would be but an spectator. Either way one of us is left to watch.

*Rose's tone takes a degree of amusement*A scratch? Not for a lack of effort. I've been holding my breath at every "Hold Still" by now.

I would really rather engage with you directly than to be a mere observer of this flourishing radiance and beauty alike. It simply wouldn't be suitable. And besides, you're certainly a participant rather than a spectator, even if it's a far more passive role than you might prefer. I'm afraid I can't allow you to domineer our interactions every time.

But only a little further, and-- *And then there's a surprised intake of air as somebody notices the displaced phone and moves to hang up. Oops.*

*Somebody hasn't seen the phone yet*

Kanaya? Kanaya Mayram, don't you dare leaving me here without taking proper care of my clothes-

*And so ends the rather strange call*

Comments

Action

[chastesaw]

I'm sorry, Rose. But given the nature of my earlier promise, I'm sure you'd rather the entire town not be privy to our conversation here. *Sticking a needle between her lips again to hold.* Or am I incorrect?

Action

[grimmdark]

*Just...staring at your general direction, holding the dress against her defensively.*

What are you trying to say? Don't tell me...

Oh. No. No.

[Ring ring ring]

[cantwhinnyemall.livejournal.com]

Must you two broadcast your depraved interactions to the general public.

[Says the guy who's been eavesdropping with a steadily increasing level of combined mortification and intrigue.]

[Phone]

[chastesaw]

...come again?

phone;

[grimmdark]

I have no time to spare explaining things to you.

Kindly remove yourself now.

Phone

[alwaysscrewsup.livejournal.com]

「Hello! I just thought I'd do the polite thing and thank you two for giving me such a nice memory! I'll be sure to treasure it forever!」

Phone

[grimmdark]

I don't even know who you are. I suppose that matters little, but I can't help but feel like I should give a damn about this.

...no, I don't. Just refrain from speaking until the situation is solved.

Phone

[chastesaw]

I may not know your identity nor your relation to our private discussion (though I am relatively certain that none, indeed, exists) but I am inclined to say that it does not matter, and that it is, in fact, none of your business.

And that you are, in fact, being more than mildly disconcerting.

[foretastes.livejournal.com]

Something smells fishy!

[chastesaw]

Is that so? ...I'm afraid my olfactory receptors can't perceive a thing.

[cullscuttlefish]

That's my line!

[grimmdark]

Wrong troll. Try again next week.

[cullscuttlefish]

Uhh, Kanaya? Your audio device is off its hook and I fink you might have told the town somefin you didn't want to about your relationship with Rose...

[chastesaw]

No, Feferi. There was nothing remotely concerning my friendship with Rose Lalonde other than that she is willing to indulge me in my hobbies and can we please say no more of it? Say, for an amount of time including but not limited to the remainder of our natural lifespans?

[grimmdark]

Nothing has been revealed, because there was nothing to be revealed. Define this relationship right now. What sort of troll meaning does it hold?

[She's totally contradicting herself but shh]

[kinpika.livejournal.com]

Oh, can I play too?

[grimmdark]

There is nothing to play here. No games whatsoever. Whatever you heard has been, in fact, nothing but a misunderstanding, whichever you might have choosento understand.

[chastesaw]

Were there in actuality any game of any sort transpiring here I would be happy to permit you entrance.

But there is not, and thus I am unable.

[guitarslaying.livejournal.com]

Oh man.

I remember being that age too well.

[grimmdark]

I've heard that old age might easily cause confusion and problem focusing. Maybe you have understood this all wrongly.

[chastesaw]

Age? What age could you possibly be referring to? There is nothing to our actions here that necessitates being of any particular age; indeed I should think that these interests transcend bounds of age or cultural barriers alike.

[buryinmysound.livejournal.com]

Whoa, hey, you know. You should probably hang the phone up before you start getting kinky. Not in the middle of it.

[grimmdark]

There is nothing kinky on what we are doing.

[Pay no mind she's not going to tell you what they are doing.]

You should perhaps reconsider whether your preconceptions are accurate or not.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[Listening to this...oh god. They aren't really...this isn't really...]

Kanaya, are you seriously forcing the humans to try on your stupid outfits?

[chastesaw]

Karkat, I assure you I am forcing precisely nothing on anybody. And if I were, it would not be a "stupid" outfit but rather a "quite fashionable" one designed to enhance one's appearance.

[nolongeralpha.livejournal.com]

[Holy shit this would be hilarious if it didn't involve Rose wait maybe that makes it more hilarious he's not sure THIS IS REALLY-

Wait. Cool it bro. Gotta be iced like a latte in a college student's grubby hands when they should be studying not out drinking overpriced bean water. After monsters in the closet and already changing the past to save the future, there is no possible way this is actually what it sounds like. That is just the truth of how life works and has nothing to do with a river in Egypt.]

Awesome so were you like, getting a massage or some other innocuous event? Is that what's happening? Can I get one? Does that even work on birds?

[chastesaw]

There were no consistent kneading or percussive yet relaxing blows involved at any point. And even in the event that there were, it seems to me that you would be entirely too small to benefit without suffering damage as a result.

in house; you asked for this.

[byakkoyagirl]

[What is this.

What is he hearing as he walks by the door in this house????

He will have none of this foolery going on in his house. Explore your weird interspecies feelings somewhere else.

And that is how Scratch just opens the door without asking at all and-]

Oh.

[Oh.]

Hello ladies.

[This is not awkward in the slightest.]

in house; terrible (doc > kan > rose?)

[chastesaw]

*And then Kanaya just stares for a moment in shock and a growing sense of abject horror before leaping to her feet and trying to shield Rose's state of semi-undress from that incredibly creepy stare.* Amongst the throng of multiverses, I am certain that in no solitary subsegment of any of them is something like this remotely acceptable!

Out!